A Good Rut

It's been forever, and I apologize to all my adoring fans... if there are any that is... without further ado:

I feel the rut deepening, back to its familiar depth,, back to where I can’t see out. However, this time, the walls aren’t so steep, aren’t so slippery. In fact, this time, it feels more like a bowl where I am always at the bottom, regardless of the direction I take. I know I can get myself out of it, much more easily than in NYC, I just need to pick my direction and start climbing out. But I am wandering again: moving laterally in life instead of forward. But then again, at least it’s not backwards, of that much I’m certain…

I know grad/business school is the direction I should take. It is by far the most sensible and direct way to figure out how to draw my life into focus. But my inertia is too inert and the temptations too tempting. My circle of friends is growing inversely proportionate to my desire to concentrate on what I should be doing with my life. I know this sounds like my life in NYC but there is a dichotomy that must be seen here. Here I am happy, Here is where I KNOW I need to be. Here is where I will be able to find myself. I can feel it. Rarely to plans in life live up to, much less surpass, expectations, but moving here has done just that.

There is an inexpressible joy in driving through a canyon and alongside the Pacific every day on my way home from work. It produces a calm that never fails to erase the memories of the day’s work. I don’t know why, but it always seems to make me smile, for no reason whatsoever. And judging by how absurd it must look to see someone driving alone with a dumb grin on his face, the feeling must be contagious. It beats seeing the discontented and defeated faces on the 6 train, that’s for dame sure…