Options and Consequences

The mental schism deepens as the doors open and the windows close in rapid, alternating fashion, neither of which are open long enough to facilitate a legitimate escape. I just sit and watch the beauty of the machine surrounding me and cool myself in the breeze of the rapidly opening and closing choices as I realized that I’ve done it again. It would appear that remaining stuck would be the only viable option. That is, unless, there were a third route. An option that is, always was, and always will be, hiding in plain view, if only I knew where to look… which if I really thought long and hard about, I would find…

I already know the answer before I finish the question. If looking forward has no real merit, then that would mean going in reverse is the only other choice. But could I do that? Could I go backwards again? Could I abandon yet another path in my life? . At least I’ve learned the lesson that time has been teaching me and I’m prepared to handle another dead end: I’ve laid a trail of memories so I know where I went wrong, where I could take a left instead of a right, where I could start over for another as of yet uncountable time.

But where does that new path lead? Most likely to more wasted time… then again, there is always the possibility that this path will finally be the one that gets me to the next level in my life, the path that doesn’t come to another abrupt wall of optionless possibilities. Maybe this one opens into a vast, sun-drenched plateau where I don’t feel trapped or bound to someone else’s dreams, somewhere I my happiness lingers instead of slowly fading to nothing…

Then again, all of this could be an illusion, a premature judgment that this is the end. Maybe a window or door will remain open long enough for me to see that I was right all along. Maybe I will find myself right where I want to be…